Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
Serving Clovis, Portales and the Surrounding Communities
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Today’s lesson: November history and science stuff. You’ve probably noticed lately that the days are entirely too short. A fellow barely gets out of bed before it’s supper, and it will be next April before it gets much better. We’ll probably have a cold winter too. But joyful thoughts aside, we should ponder this question — “Why do we have Thanksgiving Day in November?” Fact is, it finally came to light that we should celebrate the conclusion of this nasty month. Someone said, “Well, that’s finally over. Let’s kill a turk...
Today’s lesson: November history and science stuff. You’ve probably noticed lately that the days are entirely too short. A fellow barely gets out of bed before it’s supper, and it will be next April before it gets much better. We’ll probably have a cold winter too. But joyful thoughts aside, we should ponder this question — “Why do we have Thanksgiving Day in November?” Fact is, it finally came to light that we should celebrate the conclusion of this nasty month. Someone said, “Well, that’s finally over. Let’s kill a turk... Full story
Back in the good old days of my misspent youth (When I became well known for asking President Lincoln’s wife, “Other than that, Ma’am, how was the opera?”) newspapers printed what were called “fillers.” Those were tiny one-liners that came in handy for linotype operators when they had to fill empty spaces. Most fillers moved on the wires of news services and were stored away by guys like me so they could be rewritten a dozen or more times. Here’s an example: “The phrase ‘rule of thumb’ came from an old English law which said... Full story
Back in the good old days of my misspent youth (When I became well known for asking President Lincoln’s wife, “Other than that, Ma’am, how was the opera?”) newspapers printed what were called “fillers.” Those were tiny one-liners that came in handy for linotype operators when they had to fill empty spaces. Most fillers moved on the wires of news services and were stored away by guys like me so they could be rewritten a dozen or more times. Here’s an example: “The phrase ‘rule of thumb’ came from an old English law which said... Full story
When Big War II broke out, every red-blooded American kid who believed in baseball, cowboys, and the American Way shouldered his Red Ryder BB gun in the relentless struggle against tyranny. The scenario involved the building of small forts hither and yon in the Colorado foothills so enemies of the free world could be stopped when they invaded from California. Obviously kids in those days were ahead of their time. One particular high-water mark came when my friend Smooth Heine said, “Tell you what, let’s put some land min... Full story
When Big War II broke out, every red-blooded American kid who believed in baseball, cowboys, and the American Way shouldered his Red Ryder BB gun in the relentless struggle against tyranny. The scenario involved the building of small forts hither and yon in the Colorado foothills so enemies of the free world could be stopped when they invaded from California. Obviously kids in those days were ahead of their time. One particular high-water mark came when my friend Smooth Heine said, “Tell you what, let’s put some land min...
I spent time recently reading my wife’s daily journals, a set of diaries dating back more than 50 years to the day we married. Without going into detail, I have to say we award-winning journalists must occasionally resort to this type of devious activity in order to capture more prizes and get a passing grade in mass communication classes. Along about l976 in her notes, I came across this entry: “l5 Maxims to Live By.” I read in awe, because here was the secret to Marilyn’s instant wit and wisdom. I’m talking about her littl...
Today celebrates an historic event as memorable as the first three-day federal holiday or the research paper by a German professor named Waldseemuller who snubbed the myth of Christopher Columbus and declared Newark, N.J., was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci, thus labeling us “Damned Yankees” forever. What I’m talking about, without running up flags or shooting off cannons, is the 500th weekly anniversary of the first publication of this column in your daily newspaper. And boy, am I pooped. So anyway, on this auspicious occas... Full story
Today celebrates an historic event as memorable as the first three-day federal holiday or the research paper by a German professor named Waldseemuller who snubbed the myth of Christopher Columbus and declared Newark, N.J., was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci, thus labeling us “Damned Yankees” forever. What I’m talking about, without running up flags or shooting off cannons, is the 500th weekly anniversary of the first publication of this column in your daily newspaper. And boy, am I pooped. So anyway, on this auspicious occas...
As a card-carrying member of the Old Geezer Party, I take great pleasure chewing the fat with contemporaries over tales of bygone school days — you know, back when teachers were mean, ugly, stupid dinosaurs, and all the kids were brilliant scholars. “Do you remember that goofy old Miz Gluttenflugger? One time she told me, ‘Mister Office, I want to see you in my Gluttenflugger.’” “Yeah, she was stupid, but she wasn’t mean. You take Old Man Boyd, the band teacher, now he was nasty. One time I saw him bend a clarinet over...
As a card-carrying member of the Old Geezer Party, I take great pleasure chewing the fat with contemporaries over tales of bygone school days — you know, back when teachers were mean, ugly, stupid dinosaurs, and all the kids were brilliant scholars. “Do you remember that goofy old Miz Gluttenflugger? One time she told me, ‘Mister Office, I want to see you in my Gluttenflugger.’” “Yeah, she was stupid, but she wasn’t mean. You take Old Man Boyd, the band teacher, now he was nasty. One time I saw him bend a clarinet over... Full story
Leola Askew, 89 Leola “Pat” Askew, 89, of Portales, died Saturday, Sept. 27, 2003, at Heartland Continuing Care Center. She was born on Aug. 4, 1914, in Oklahoma, to Lela and Mendle Phillips. She attended schools in Granite, Okla., and lived in Mangum, Okla., the Richland Community and Oregon before moving to Dora in 1946. She moved to Golden Acres in Portales in 1983. She volunteered as a Pink Lady at Roosevelt General Hospital and was a Sunday school teacher for many years. She also worked at the Inlow Youth Camp dur...
Marilyn L. Huber Services: No services are planned at this time. Marilyn L. Huber, 72, of Portales, died Saturday, Sept. 27, 2003, at Roosevelt General Hospital in Portales. She was born on April 24, 1931, in Roswell, to Alta and Glen Wheeler. She was raised in Roswell and was named Miss Roswell in 1947. She attended Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas, and the University of Colorado, where she received a bachelor’s degree in education in 1954 and a master’s degree in 1969. She married Bob Huber on June 21, 195...
Here at the Consumer Institute (Slogan: We’re working to make your dollar worth a dime) we’re investigating two Roswell women who bought a rundown 16,000-square-foot warehouse, which they planned to remodel into a l6,000-square-foot colorful home that strangely resembles a rundown warehouse. In case you’re wondering, I have an insight into this investigation, because the two women are my daughters, Tracy and Holly, and in their scholarly way they relied on my many years of do-it-yourself expertise to begin their massi...
David Stevens She enjoyed writing and painting and collecting Indian artifacts. She played the piano, acted as literary agent for family members and loved gardening. She was a beauty queen — Miss Roswell in 1947 — and could have been Miss New Mexico if she hadn’t caught the measles and been eliminated from the competition, a fate she never complained about. “She was very glad. She’d kinda had it with beauty pageants,” said oldest daughter Tracy LeCocq. Marilyn Huber was like a television mom — beautiful, talented, dow...
Here at the Consumer Institute (Slogan: We’re working to make your dollar worth a dime) we’re investigating two Roswell women who bought a rundown 16,000-square-foot warehouse, which they planned to remodel into a l6,000-square-foot colorful home that strangely resembles a rundown warehouse. In case you’re wondering, I have an insight into this investigation, because the two women are my daughters, Tracy and Holly, and in their scholarly way they relied on my many years of do-it-yourself expertise to begin their massi... Full story
No matter how you look at it, the only solution to baldness is hair. That’s what I keep telling my wife Marilyn these days, because recently she came under the auspices of modern medicine and overnight lapsed into what’s known in medical circles as the Michael Jordan Syndrome, or “Slickem Skullatus.” You see, Marilyn went bald when she came down with an illness calling for weekly ingesting of industrial waste labeled “chemotherapy.” With tom-toms beating in the background and a rattling of gourds filled with bones and c...
No matter how you look at it, the only solution to baldness is hair. That’s what I keep telling my wife Marilyn these days, because recently she came under the auspices of modern medicine and overnight lapsed into what’s known in medical circles as the Michael Jordan Syndrome, or “Slickem Skullatus.” You see, Marilyn went bald when she came down with an illness calling for weekly ingesting of industrial waste labeled “chemotherapy.” With tom-toms beating in the background and a rattling of gourds filled with bones and c...
It’s a freaky thing, I’ll admit, but I’m absorbed with gags. I pick them up at funerals, on bar stools, in church pews, the Internet, and even in the first class section of airliners, and the truth is I pilfer them with utter disregard for origins. Many of them sprout from scholars like my wife Marilyn, who also lifts them with utter disregard for origins. Still, I’ve heard her often recite from the infamous Rev. Spooner whose reputation for tangling words resulted in the linguistic term “spoonerisms.” Her favorite sp...
It’s a freaky thing, I’ll admit, but I’m absorbed with gags. I pick them up at funerals, on bar stools, in church pews, the Internet, and even in the first class section of airliners, and the truth is I pilfer them with utter disregard for origins. Many of them sprout from scholars like my wife Marilyn, who also lifts them with utter disregard for origins. Still, I’ve heard her often recite from the infamous Rev. Spooner whose reputation for tangling words resulted in the linguistic term “spoonerisms.” Her favorite sp... Full story
Here at the American Institute for Bigger Calendar Pictures of Milk Cows, we’re celebrating the month of September with this theme song (sung to the tune “St. Louis Woman” or “America the Beautiful,” whichever comes up first): “Rooty-toot-toot, rooty-toot-toot, we’re the guys from the Institute. We don’t smoke, and we don’t chew, and we don’t go with girls who do. Our class won a rain gage from an Amarillo TV station.” You can tell it’s September, because we like to shake off hot summer weather and get a bit silly. It’s w...
Here at the American Institute for Bigger Calendar Pictures of Milk Cows, we’re celebrating the month of September with this theme song (sung to the tune “St. Louis Woman” or “America the Beautiful,” whichever comes up first): “Rooty-toot-toot, rooty-toot-toot, we’re the guys from the Institute. We don’t smoke, and we don’t chew, and we don’t go with girls who do. Our class won a rain gage from an Amarillo TV station.” You can tell it’s September, because we like to shake off hot summer weather and get a bit silly. It’s w... Full story
When I was a kid — a period that hung over my head willy-nilly until I was 60 — Don Winslow of the Coast Guard was an icon of American patriotism. During World War II he spent many colorful Saturday matinees chasing Nazi submarines off Catalina Island. I’ll bet you didn’t know the Germans had submarines off the West Coast in those days. It wasn’t exactly a secret, because Winslow zoomed all over the silver screen each week in cardboard airplanes and tinfoil destroyers, dropping depth charges on Axis heads. His antics se...
In my relentless quest for award-winning journalism I often explore the zany world of “kidspeak,” which is teacher jargon for stuff kids write on test papers. My wife Marilyn’s all-time favorite is, “I just love Tommy Buford. He’s tall, dark, and on probation.” So for my in-depth report today I’ve selected a whole raft of real live quotes plucked from sixth-grade history test papers and Sunday school notes. Those of you who grumble that our present-day educational system has gone to hell in a hand basket can finally sit b...
One of my scholarly pursuits is the care and feeding of one-liners. I get most of them from my wife Marilyn who seems to have an endless supply and loves to toss them out to brighten my day, as follows: • “You may think you’re still young, but you need your false teeth and hearing aids to ask me where you left your glasses and you need your glasses to find your teeth and hearing aids.” • “I hesitate to say it, but the gleam in your eyes is the reflection off your bifocals.” • “There you go again, making promises your bod...
