View from under the pew: Amos falls in a vat of chocolate

Editor’s note: In response to a reader’s request, Amos asked to have his chocolate vat adventure rerun. Amos is a church mouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

amos falls into a vat

of chocolate

boss i was just minding my

own business the other day

jogging across the church s

kitchen counter when my

little mousy toes tripped

over a chocolate-covered

spatula and i fell headlong

into a bigger-than-life

bowl of chocolate

it was horrible boss i

came up sputtering and

gagging and my whiskers

were dripping continuously

with the dark syrupy mess

it was at that point that

little ryan rabbit came

hopping by with his fuzzy

mother look mommy it s one

of those chocolate-covered

easter bunnies he said

hey mister easter bunny

will you give me an easter

egg all chocolaty and pure

no but if you come any

closer i ll give you a lump

on the noggin that s for

sure now go away and

leave me alone

he sure is a grumpy

easter bunny says ryan

as he hopped merrily away

just then sammy salamander

came by and said why do you

get all the fun amos and dove

right into the middle of me and

the chocolate hey this is great

he says then looks at me

whatza matter can t you do

the back stroke like me says he

no i can t do the back stroke

says me and besides i don t

want to do the back stroke

can t you see that i m drowning

in this chocolate sea

oh sorry i thought you were

playing like me says he

do you want to get out

oh no why should i want

out i said sarcastically

i thought i would dive down

and touch the bottom of the

bowl and then see how much

chocolate i could stuff in my

ears how about that huh

yeah that sounds like fun says

sammy and down he went to

the bottom of the bowl

but i don t think i have any

ears he moaned

never mind i shouted get me

outta here but it didn t do any

good boss he was on his way

to the bottom of the bowl again

just then louie the songdog

padded by hi amos looks

like you got chocolate all

over you how about a big

ol sloppy lick he asks

louie just get me outta

here and you can have

all the licks you want

says me desperately

ok here goes and he

picks me up by the tail

and holds me over his

mouth with chocolate

dripping off my little

soggy whiskers

mm good louie said as

he slurped me up one side

and then down the other

boss i would never like

being a doggie popsicle

but this time i couldn t

have been happier

i gave the flop-eared louie

a big ol mousy kiss and

went running deliriously

in search of the nearest

bird bath

to misquote a famous movie

guy by the name of amos

gump or something

life is like a big bowl of

chocolate cause you never

know how it s gonna turn out -

it can be sweet or you can

drown in it

amos