Oct. 24, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY--God bless America, and how’s everybody?

• Al-Qaeda was reported Monday to have netted $800 million dollars cash in illegal drug sales last year. Now they’re all too rich to volunteer for suicide missions. Who would have guessed that the best way to fight terrorism is to do heroin.

• The USC Trojans leap-frogged three undefeated teams to the nation’s number-two ranking Sunday in the first BCS poll. It’s a highly technical tabulation nobody understands. Under the BCS system, Hillary Clinton could still be our next president.

• Dallas Cowboys suspended star Pacman Jones was ordered to alcohol rehab by the NFL after his latest scrape. He’s had 13 police incidents and shot up a strip club. Pacman Jones has more than a few issues, he’s got an entire year’s subscription.

• San Francisco voters have two Election Day ballot measures