amos the churchmouse: wiley weasel s terrific translation

amos the churchmouse:

a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

wiley weasel s terrific translation

boss i was hard at

work doing my regular

bible study the other

day when wiley weasel

sorta popped in like he

does from time to time

boss wiley weasel is to

bible study methods

like mr haney is to

the hooterville economy

on the green acres tv show

he has something for

everybody when it

comes to bible study

aids translations and

bible commentaries

why i have just the

thing for you says

wiley in his high-pitched

whinny voice

it ll make you the bible

bug you never were

or ever wanted to be

says me

come on now looky here

says he spreading out his

biblical wares before me

here are some translations

every discerning bible

student must have

for example we have the

roswell alien s study bible

complete with a comprehensive

map of e t s home and the

universe as well as the

proposed missionary journeys

of apollo 24 and 25 to mars

jupiter pluto and beyond

here s what the 23rd psalm

sounds like in this new

translation -

the lord is my alien master

i shall not live in a space

vacuum he makes me to lie

down under starry skies

and leads me to my next

star trek episode

i m not so sure about that

says me somewhat suspiciously

then we have the holy

genderless bible translation

says wiley rather persistently

in this account god is sorta

nebulous like god tends to be

in most people s minds

here s how the lord s prayer

is rendered in this translation -

our heavenly parent spirit

- forget that abba father jazz

says he - hallowed be thy name

wait a minute says me

how can we reverence god s

name if we don t even know

what gender he she or it

should be