The Spouse Briefs: There is value behind true competition

There seems to be a push in our society to eliminate among children the role of competition. Instead of having ribbons for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place my kids usually just bring home participation ribbons. Taking home something to remember the day is wonderful, but a ribbon implies ranking. Children are much smarter then we give them credit for.

An adult I know tells the story of his experience being on a T-ball team when he was six. His parents had signed him up, took him to a couple of practices and the first few games, but then became too busy to take him anymore. He begged to go but it didn't happen. At the end of the season, the coach called and let the family know that the team was in the playoffs. His parents considered this a chance to be a part of a winning team and took him to play in the final game. He went up to bat once and played in the outfield. The team won and he was given a trophy with all the other boys. When the family got home he smashed the trophy. His mother chalked it up to being a troubled child and never tried to understand why. I asked him why he did that and his answer is one many children will say, "I did nothing to deserve it and so it meant nothing to me."

My kids don't destroy their participation ribbons but I have found them lying on the ground all over the house. When we devalue competition we devalue the benefits of hard work. Yes, for some people in life things come more easily, and so they may win with little effort. But for those who work hard and set goals, the tangible rewards of winning are often outstripped by the individual strength that results from the effort involved.

I have often heard that the more effort something requires, the more valuable the result becomes. We must ask ourselves, why do we try to eliminate competition and make everybody a winner? I think it comes down to the desire of adults to soften the blows that come with living. We don't like to see our children in pain, and not winning at something is a very exquisite kind of pain. If we are always providing a pillow, our kids will never learn to land on their feet when they fall. In addition, taking away the chance to lose also takes away the chance to learn humility and the joy of celebrating the accomplishments of others.

Rebecca Adling started life as an Air Force brat and is now enjoying life as a mother raising her own pile of adorable Air Force brats.