Q&A: Counselor says psychological abuse underestimated in unhealthy relationships

Casey Turnbough with Arise Sexual Assault Services, talks about her work with Arise in Portales and Clovis and what defines unhealthy and healthy relationships.

What is your background in the field and what responsibilities do you have at Arise?

I am a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner — nationally board certified. I've worked at Arise holding various positions for the last six years — primarily that of sexual assault nurse examiner for pediatric and adult patients.

I graduated from New Mexico State University with my nurse practitioner and additional specialization in psychiatric mental health.

I am currently the counseling clinical coordinator at Arise in Portales and Clovis.

My responsibilities include psychotherapy services, counseling, psychiatric evaluations and individualized patient specific care. Each individual is unlike the other so my treatment is a combination of my education, experience, the patient's individual characteristics and history and a conglomeration of other variables.

Some of the care I give at Arise includes but not is not limited to: Psychiatric evaluations, psychotherapy, counseling services, education (that's a big one), medication management, referrals to various additional resources, therapeutic interventions, safety planning education and coordinating with other counselors who work at Arise.

What inspires you to do the work you do?

Ultimately, people inspire me to do the work I do. Primarily the patients I care for, various healthcare providers, nurses, counselors and others in our community.

What are common signs of an unhealthy relationship? Which ones do people often make excuses for?

There are many signs of unhealthy relationships. Unhealthy communication styles account for many flawed relationships. Some of these may include an overly critical partner, defensive behavior and stonewalling (in short simply not communicating).

Other signs include instances of intimate partner violence/domestic violence whether psychological or physical. I think that often psychological abuse/trauma is underestimated in relationships. This can actually lead to a great deal of distress including low self-esteem, a sense of uneasiness, anxiety, isolation, guilt and many others.

People often make excuses for unhealthy relationships due to the fact that they feel comfortable in these relationships. It's what they know and what they are used to. Stepping outside of that can be frightening and many people rationalize that it is better to sustain an unhealthy relationship than be alone.

When should a person seek help or outside resources if they're questioning when they're relationship is unsafe?

The answer to this one is clear. If at any point an individual is questioning his or her safety they should seek help from additional resources.

What are common reasons for why people don't leave abusive or unhealthy relationships?

Financial dependence, change of environment, change of family structure, fear of the unknown or the other person with whom they were in a relationship with and lack of support are few of the many.

What classifies a healthy and happy relationship?

In order for me to define what classifies a healthy and happy relationship, I would need to write a novel, however, I'm a bit short on time for that so I'll identify some characteristics of happier relationships:

• Clear communication, assertive rather than aggressive.
• Instances where both partners are receptive of each other and actually hear what one another are saying rather than becoming critical or defensive.
• Relationships that are true friendships and each person respects the individuality of the other.
• Relationships where one partner is not striving to gain control over the other and responsibilities are clearly defined and shared.

Other key words include, respect, support and compatibility.