My turn: Back on campaign trail

Now that Willie Nelson and I have returned from tending his "garden party" in a South Texas forest, we are resuming our Green Tea Party candidacy.

We lost track of time while my cousin, Chef Juandel, whipped up special treats from my running mate's garden.

My other cousins, The Anglo Mariachi Cowboy and Bootlegger Sloan, joined us with peyote-seasoning and moonshine-cooking-sherry for Chef to work his magic.

Under the influence of backwoods dining, Willie and I stumbled into the epiphany that we only need 11 votes to win.

If no one else votes in California, Texas, New York, Florida, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, Georgia, New Jersey and North Carolina, we only need one vote in each to magically mushroom into the 270 electoral votes needed to bring our free-radical Green Tea Party anti-oxidant agenda to Washington.

To woo you to stay home, we are offering you an "I Forgot to Vote" button inside a "Chef Juandel Non-Voter Basket" filled with intoxicating treats made from Willie and the poor boys' forest-fresh ingredients.

So, please — if you want to bring a real party to the White House — munch on Chef's goodies until you become too addicted to "Mayberry RFD" reruns to get off the couch.

Heck, Willie — a Maui resident — and I might even vote for ourselves in Hawaii and New Mexico and invite you to watch Fleetwood Mac yodel "Landslide" at our "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" inauguration.

Contact Wendel Sloan at [email protected]