In search of ponies: Third-party resolutions have more chance of success

Sometimes all that is needed is a little perspective shift, after all, no one wants to be part of the 92 percent statistically doomed to fail, especially when making New Year's resolutions and striving to be one of the 8 percent who succeeds appears a realistically challenged endeavor.

In fact, of the 45 percent of Americans who make resolutions, more than half will have moved on and accepted defeat by the six-month mark, according to December statistics from the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

As such, yet still wanting to start the New Year with a new outlook and still wanting the same goals as most of us surely do, perhaps a little redirected resolve will do the trick.

Playing on the blame shifting and excellent powers of externalization humans are uniquely qualified for, there may be an alternative to imposing unrealistic goals on oneself, telling said self they will never accomplish it and then berating "self" when the failure is a success.

By making third-party resolutions on behalf of pets and pushing them to succeed, maybe more people can break the cycle of doomed-to-fail goals.

For instance, maybe Fido needs to spend less time in front of the TV and you're just the one to resolve to make him, so up-an-at-em boy, it's time for a stroll in the park.

The stress — and collateral health effects — caused by chaos and mayhem has reached a breaking point and it's about time to show those four-legged free spirits the value of a good schedule and maybe if everyone in the house pulls together, the pawed ones will fall in line.

No more munching at the food bowl in the middle of the night — each morning will begin with exercise, a healthy breakfast, fresh water available throughout the day, a light dinner, a stroll or game of fetch and then lights out in time for a solid night's sleep.

Ruffus sits around and plays that "old dog can't learn new tricks" malarkey to the hilt yet wonders why he has no social life — dog agility/obedience class, here he comes. Not only might he learn he's not as old as he thinks he is, he might just find some like-minded souls with common ground.

Maybe even arrange it so the kids take him to class while you go do that evening Zumba class you've put off so you could watch Ruffus not learn new tricks all these years.

Something just must be done about Morris' constant need for attention and with all he has to be grateful for, it's about time he gives something back.

With his claws trimmed, a little spit shine and preening, he's a prime candidate for visiting time at the nursing home where his need for attention and appreciation is sure to be met by smiles and open arms. While there, go ahead and tell the folks all about him and his needy ways, including showing them the magic spot to rub behind his ears.

By the time you get home, his hunger for personal space will guarantee a good night's sleep, as if the warm fuzzy afternoon weren't enough to make that happen.

Poor Teddy the hamster is so bored and apathetic, he really needs something to focus his time on, and a running wheel is just the answer.

Of course he probably won't know how to use it, so you may want to slide your treadmill next to his cage and show him how it's done, and while you're at it, challenge him to a couple sprints, just to let him know you won't be outdone by a rotund dude who thinks chewing on paper equals good times.

It seems as if one could come up with a pretty lengthy list of resolutions for their pets, and the best part is, if they don't succeed, since they don't know failure, there's no chance of them spending the remainder of the year in self-loathing — they're smart enough to leave that to the humans.

Sharna Johnson is a writer who is always searching for ponies. You can reach her at: [email protected] or on the web at:

www.insearchofponies.blogspot.com