A view from under the pew: lurch the frog-herding lizard

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

although it s getting warmer

boss all this rain in recent

days has me contemplating

the idea of turning my little

matchbox home into a

houseboat-on-a-raft

but more than that it feels

like we ve stepped into a

biblical plague

have you counted all the

frogs who have shown up

on the church house lawn

question mark here boss

their hippity-hop little green

bodies are all over the place

i bet they re the leftover

descendents of that there

egyptian plague that moses

called down on pharaoh – and

those frogs didn t have

anywhere else to go but to

come here to new mexico

says sammy salamander

who was enjoying himself

swimming up and down the

streets of bugtussle

that was over three thousand

years ago says me to Sammy

well maybe it took them a

long time to swim the

atlantic ocean says he

you re crazy says me

you re both crazy says a

long green lizard-looking

stranger who sashayed his

way up to sammy and me

now git on with yourself

you two funny-looking

frogs don t think you ll fool

me by pretending to be logs

whaddya mean by

funny-looking frogs says me

we re not frogs at all

sammy here is a salamander

and i m a mouse – do i look

like an amphibian to you

well come to think of it

says he i ain t seen very

many hairy frogs like thee

maybe you d bring me

some extra money

no i won t bring any extra

money just a lot of pain

and misery says me

say who are you anyway

i m lurch the frog-herding

lizard and i m trying to round

up this herd of frogs afore

the next water blizzard and

drive them to the next

bug-infested pasture land

that s my job says he and

i m the top hand

you can t herd frogs

says me that s like

herding cats why don t

you try a pack of dogs

or at least a bunch of rats

don t like rats nor cats

says he now frogs are

weird they jump this way

and that and when they

jump all at once they re

something to be feared

but why do you have to

herd them anywhere

won t they hop away

on their own

i m helpin the environment

says he by riddin the

territory of these green

ungodly hoppities and

movin them to where

they re needed most

probably somewhere on

the east coast

they may get in the way

but they do us a service

each day these frogs

have value just like dogs

or kangaroos says me

that s so says he you may

be right – maybe they are

more than just a green

blight but i m still gonna

take this herd outta sight

and off he went boss with

a green undulating sea of frogs

hopping eastward into the

morning sun

who knows boss they seem

to be a happy lot always

moving from one place to

another spot – all god s

creatures have a place and

a purpose – even green

hippity-hops

amos