I really don't understand the animosity

link Wendel Sloan

Local columnist

Thank you to hometown friend and world-class fisherman Mike Parnell for sharing IssueHawk.com’s article “Christian Radio Host: Ebola Could Cleanse U.S. of Sluts, Atheists, Gays” about Florida Christian radio host Rick Wiles.

Although I don’t understand Rev. Wiles’ animosity toward gays and Atheists, I am confident they can defend themselves.

By definition, people who are gay are Pharrell Williams-happy, blessed with impregnable gaiety.

To paraphrase: Sticks and stones may break their bones, but pieties will never hurt them … Home cooking on the range where never is heard a self-righteous word … A positive attitude may not solve all their problems, but will annoy enough radio evangelists to make it worth the effort.

Why anyone would want to cleanse Atheists is beyond me.

Admittedly, I was a C-minus student in history — and maybe it’s a mushroom flashback — but I thought Atheists migrated from Athens, Greece — thus, the term “Atheists.”

I have eaten at Greek restaurants from California to Florida. Not only were they clean, but heart-healthy.

I have even eaten at a Greek restaurant in Athens, Texas, and it was pristine — except for the Atheists’ hats.

Rev. Wiles must have been traumatized by a bad experience at an Atheist restaurant in Florida. Most likely, the owners weren’t true Atheists but formerly aquatic Cubans serving up mysterious washed-ashore creatures advertised as fresh shrimp gyros.

However, what pains me most is his condemnation of sluts. Saying they need cleansing — probably with holy water — is downright hurtful.

Granted, the ones I’ve dated only had showers in their mobile homes. But if you scrub hard enough, you can get just as clean as in a garden tub.

They were easily the most attentive and appreciative ladies I’ve had the pleasure of treating to Denny’s Grand Slams (sans virgin olive oil). Without their nurturing Golden-Rule hearts, I might have become a gay/Atheist/sociopath postalizing mudslinging preachers.

Obviously, Rev. Wiles has not experienced the wiles of such women.

He can pick on gays and Atheists, but should leave my sluts alone.

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