Amos the churchmouse — Jan. 30

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

little mouse from nowhere

boss there s a strange little

creature roaming around the

church pew underworld nowadays

he came to our neighborhood

three days ago boss dressed in

what looked to be a tattered

burlap bag held together by

red rubber bands and those

grocery store produce bag ties

he looked like elijah

come back to life – if

elijah ever looked like

a strange little mouse

hey stranger where are

you from says my best

friend freddy flea

nowhere says he

with a nod to me

nowhere asks freddy

that can t be – surely you

mean you must be from

somewhere – just nowhere

in this vicinity

nope – i m from nowhere

says he with a certain amount

of finality

you can t be from nowhere

says me you have to be from

somewhere

not if i m from nowhere –

which is totally different –

almost the exact opposite

of somewhere

are you saying there s a

place called nowhere

says me

well is there a place

called somewhere

asks he

i don t think so

says freddy to me

then maybe somewhere

is nowhere after all

says the weird little stranger

boss we were a bit confused

so i decided to ask him

his name –

nobody says he

so you re mr nobody says me

no i m just nobody

but you have to be somebody

naw he lives across the street

from me in somewhere

but how can anybody be nobody

that s impossible says me

you re right – anybody can t be

nobody cause i m nobody and

anybody lives in anywhere

he can t live anywhere

he has to live somewhere

no somebody lives in somewhere

anybody lives in anywhere

so you re nobody but why are you here

i m not here – i m nowhere

if you re not here

then how come i can see you

you re a little mouse – a little

something – and you re here

no you re wrong says he

i m nobody and i m nowhere

if you see something

you re somewhere – and not

with me in nowhere

all right says me

exasperatedly

i m looking at nobody

standing nowhere telling me

nothing – is that right

that s it – you ve got it

what good does it do me

well you ve come to the point

of most christians and churches

these days that involve four

main characters

and what is that says me

and freddy simultaneously

those four characters are

everybody

somebody

anybody

and me nobody –

and usually i m the only fellow left

what do you mean says me

it s just like the old saying –

when there s a job to be done

everybody says anybody can

do it and leaves it for

somebody to do it but

nobody winds up doing it

and that s me – nobody

from nowhere doing nothing

about anything

amos

p s – boss talking to nobody about

nothing can be awfully frustrating

not to mention being a mind-bending

tongue-tangling experience