Father figures take many shapes

Staff Writer

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Jon Barr, a digital filmmaking professor at Eastern New Mexico University, had been a father for only a few days when he first celebrated Father’s Day with his teenage step kids.

Barr married Mary Ayala, the dean of the college of liberal arts and sciences at ENMU, in June of 2009. The couple had dated in college and reconnected 18 years later, marrying within a year of the beginning of their rekindled relationship.

Ayala had two children by then: Veronica, 15 at the time, Gabriel, 16.

Gabriel acted as Barr’s best man on the big wedding day and Veronica was Ayala’s maid of honor.

Barr said his transition into fatherhood was made easy by his step children’s model behavior.

“I imagine the experience could’ve been different, but it was pretty cool because I got to know them with no conflicts,” Barr said.

He first knew he was a father when he started to worry about the children endlessly, Barr said. Veronica and Gabe’s safety was constantly on his mind.

Barr remembers receiving his first Father’s Day card as a bonus.

“Father’s Day is their biological father’s day so it is just a bonus that I get any of it,” Barr said.

Gary Truex, a houseparent for the New Mexico Christian Children’s Home, shares Father’s Day with 40 to 50 other biological fathers.

Truex has been a houseparent at one of two relief cottages in the residential care section of the children’s home for four years. Relief cottages house a different group of children every week and allow regular houseparents to take one week a month off.

Truex came to Portales from his hometown of Midland, Texas, four years ago following his involvement in youth ministry. Truex also acts as youth director at Southside Church of Christ where the members of the children’s home and faculty attend church.

Father’s Day is a tricky situation in the residential care section of the children’s home because the majority of the kids are not orphans, Truex said. He said it is not his job to take the place of the children’s parents but to take care of them and love them while they’re in his care.

“These people are good parents that just wanted better for their kids and it damages relationships for me to try and take the father position,” Truex said.

However, Truex’s first June as a houseparent, he received drawings from the younger kids he was housing at the time. The drawings said things like “Happy Father’s Day.”

“That totally blew me away,” Truex said.

Truex has four kids of his own; he has three teenage daughters and a son who is 3. Truex’s son, James, was born two months shy of Truex’s 40th birthday when his wife was previously told she would be unable to have children.

They celebrate Father’s Day within their own family by going out to eat and exchanging gifts.

George Pavalok, a regular houseparent at the New Mexico Christian Children’s Home, prefers to give gifts on Father’s Day rather than receive them.

“That’s the way they serve me is by serving others,” Pavalok said.

The teenage boys Pavalok houses today will attend a communion service at church and then serve communion to people who were unable to attend the service. Pavalok is scheduled to perform a service also at the Heartland Health Care Center where the boys will assist and lead in song.

Pavalok became a houseparent three days after retiring from the United States Air Force in 1997. He began his houseparenting career with 14 kids of varying ages and genders. He said he does not know how he survived it.

Pavalok and his wife, Mary, have two children of their own, John, 28, and Christa, 33. John is a naval aviator living in Virginia and Christa is living at the home with Pavalok and his wife. He said they celebrate with a phone call from John and a cup of coffee and lunch from Christa. He said those gifts mean the world to him.

“It is special because they are there. It is about the gift not about the size,” Pavalok said.