Amos: A view from under the pew

link Amos the Church Mouse

Illustrated by Gary Mitchell

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

the great orange avalanche

boss i was minding my own

business the other day

strolling through the

church kitchen when

marcellus the ugly

ungodly cat scampered

across the counter in pursuit

of hapless homer hummingbird

homer made it safely

out the kitchen window

into the rose garden but

marcellus stormed about

knocking a sack of oranges

onto the floor right

behind me boss

instantly life became a

blur of speed an avalanche

of oranges cascaded after

me and boss i ran as fast

as my little tippytoes

could take me

suddenly there in front

of me clara centipede was

wobbling oh-so-slowly over

to sara spider s discount

store next to the kitchen

garbage can

get outta the way clara

says me breathlessly

poor clara s thirty-two

feet went clickety-clack

clickety-clack on the

kitchen floor but she wasn t

getting anywhere

get outta the way clara

before it s too late says me

or we ll both be turned into

orange marmalade

but poor clara was panicky

boss her antennae were

waving one way and her tiny

feet were spreadeagled

fifty different other ways

in a breath-taking moment

i rushed past clara and pushed

her across the slick kitchen

floor to the kitchen sink door

thanks says clara as she

tried to regroup her little

feet under her long slim body

you re welcome says me

running frightfully

is there any way to stop

these orange boulders

before i faint from

exhaustion

i don t know says she i ll

try to think about it

eventually

by then boss larry the

leaping lizard came into

view a look of horror

passed over his flint-like

lizard countenance

get outta the way larry

says me it s an orange

calamity heading our way

but larry regained his

composure deftly leaping

over each orange as it

barreled his way

and gave me a chance

to dive behind a mop

bucket in comparative

safety

hey amos this is fun

what neat games you

play says he can we

do this again another day

say next tuesday

boss i don t know about

you but methinks our

friend larry has a warped

idea of fun and games

amos