Terry: Have to skip nap during next procedure

After putting it off for nearly seven years, I recently took the medical screening that doctors recommend after 50 — the colonoscopy.

Just the word or the thought of it strikes terror in the minds of grown men everywhere. Honestly though, I didn’t put it off for those reasons, I delayed it when I found out it would cost me as much as I paid for my last car. Some things make me pucker more than money, but not many.

Karl Terry

With the advent of Obamacare, I learned that now the screening is mandated free of charge under any insurance plan, so the next time my doctor suggested it, I agreed.

Finally, the day before my procedure arrived, and those of you who have undergone a colonoscopy know that the day before is the worst part of the whole deal. I grabbed a new roll of toilet paper and the vile liquid I was to consume to clean my bowel and chugged the first one.

I actually got through the third bottle before nature called — but barely. When Mother Nature called, she didn’t do it in a soft voice.

The next morning at the hospital they handed me a gown and as I went into the bathroom I could hear the faint strains somewhere of Nelly’s lyrics “It’s getting hot in here. Take off all your clothes.” Funny that the only rap music lyric line I know would come to mind. My instructions were to take off all my clothes — except my socks — and leave the back of the gown open because they would be needing in back there in a little while.

When the anesthesiologist came by before the procedure, the news channel in pre-op was blaring the latest terrorist news and quotes from Donald Trump about how he would have no problem water-boarding suspects. The anesthesiologist immediately piped in that with lots of trained anesthesiologists in the West there was no need to water-board; with the right narcotic cocktail she could have anyone spilling the beans like they were talking to their own mother.

As we hit the OR she enlightened us that during her time in the military she had put folks under who had to have men in

black suits available in case national secrets slipped out. She’d made a believer out of me.

As she pushed the drugs into my IV, I wondered how long before I began talking goofy. As I felt it taking effect I remember telling her, “Hey, that works really fast.” That’s the last I remember before waking up in recovery.

Fortunately I didn’t spill any deep secrets and the doctor didn’t find any polyps. Unfortunately, my body didn’t cooperate fully. Let’s just say things came up short of their conclusion so another procedure has been ordered. The arduous prep is going to be the same but I won’t get that nice nap during the procedure.

Take it serious, folks. Colorectal cancer is the second-most fatal cancer in men and women combined, according to the American Cancer Society. This procedure can prevent an unnecessary early death.

Karl Terry writes for Clovis Media Inc. Contact him at:

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