Terry: Plenty learned in years of marriage

Guys learn a lot in a marriage. I’m not sure women learn anything in matrimony.

It’s true, I’ve been married to the same woman for 34 years today and I will attest she knew everything from day one and I knew practically nothing.

I learned right off that it takes women a lot longer to get ready than it does men. When we were dating I wasn’t witness to all the time it took my loved one to apply makeup, do hair, select an outfit several times and program a VCR to record the television programs you’re going to miss. I learned all that in my first month of marriage.

Our first Christmas together, before we married, I gave her jewelry — an engagement ring. I gave her a refrigerator on our second Christmas together. It was top of the line, ice and water in the door and everything. I found out later I shouldn’t have taken gift-giving advice from my father-in-law the appliance salesman.

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Apparently women aren’t happy with jewelry just once in their marriage. That’s been a hard one to learn but I’m trying.

Over the last 34 years I’ve learned how to cook when necessary, clear the table and vacuum the carpet. I’ve learned that my bride is apparently frightened by loud machinery and so I’ve accepted that she’s never going to mow the lawn or do the vacuuming.

I learned to play racquetball left-handed to make things more competitive when we played each other. We met at the racquet club so I thought she liked a good workout. As soon as we were married she gave up the game.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that anytime I ask what’s for supper and she tells me tuna casserole, that really means we’re going out to eat. I’m not fond of her tuna casserole and she knows it.

I’ve learned anytime I hear her say, “Come here for just a minute.” It’s going to take more than a minute.

I’ve learned whenever she tells me she has a home improvement idea that would be really neat and won’t cost very much or take long at all, its time to grab my wallet and set aside a month of weekends for the project.

Yes, I think I’ve learned quite a lot since tying the knot all those years ago. I think it’s high time my mate learned a few things herself.

We’ll start by giving her a new spinning rod and teaching her to fish. Then maybe get her a new shotgun and maybe a handgun. We can spend quality time together at the range. I’ll teach her to shoot straight and set the hook deep.

Actually, I’ve got no complaints with my honey she’s always shot me straight. And after 34 years of marriage I’ve got to say she set the hook deep and I’m not getting away.

Karl Terry writes for Clovis Media Inc. Contact him at:

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