Cuzin's weddings a gay old time

Dear Chef Juandel,

I understand your concerns about crossing the border to ride with the cuzins to Arkansas for second-cuzin Chuck and third-cuzin Buck’s wedding at the Hope Pentecostal Church and Bingo Parlor.

Next time Bootlegger Sloan, The Anglo Mariachi Cowboy and I will bring our shovels to Juarez.

Chuck and Buck knew their parents wouldn’t attend a gay wedding (I didn’t even know it was legal in Arkansas), so they had two weddings and invited one set of parents to each.

Chuck wore a red wig in one and went by Chuckles, and Buck wore the wig in the other and went by Buckalyn.

I was surprised to see the Clintons there, but Bill told me the weddings were the highlights of their week.

Hillary shot Bill daggers when she caught him ogling Chuckles. I think it hurt Buckalyn’s feelings at “her” wedding when Bill didn’t ogle her, but I was also afraid.

Both weddings were beautiful. We gave Chuck and Buck an almost-full bottle of Two-Buck-Chuck and matching “his and his” squirrel caps for “Squirrel Stew and Taxidermy Night” at the church.

In other news, the cuzins and I took an exotic trip to the charming Republican hamlet of Turkey, Texas, for Thanksgiving. (I strongly advise removing your “Mexican Pole Vaulter Gold Medalist” decal before arriving.)

On the way I won a demolition derby against tumbleweeds, but they scratched up my Chevette pretty good.

I also saw a crop-duster do accidental figure 8s in a wind-turbine farm, and some Lesser Prairie Chickens get so plucked parents had to cover their kids’ eyes.

I took my pellet gun to hunt turkeys, but the only thing in season was Democrat-trapping. They were about trapped out, but I did catch one scrawny little fella with some tofu bait.

After I tied him to my hood, he promised to vote for Trump next time. By the time we got home, he was pretty hoarse but sounded sincere.

We will see you again for sure in 2020. Joe Biden has already promised to ask Mexico to go 50-50 on building a revolving door in the wall.

The Cuzins,

Wendel

(on behalf of Bootlegger and Cowboy)

Contact Wendel Sloan at: [email protected]