We are ordinary people seeking healing

Last week was full of confusion, pain, heartbreak, anger, and so many emotions I cannot name them. I have cried tears for people I don’t know and even more for people that I do know.

Clovis and all her inhabitants became the focal point of the news, nationally and abroad; we became the subject of Facebook and all other types of social media; our lives became the talk of friends, family, strangers and more.

Because of one senseless act of unimaginable violence, lives are destroyed. And no one can tell us why.

We are all trying to make sense of this horrific shooting in a library by what appeared to be a normal teenage boy with normal teenage thoughts.

And we cannot.

As an associate pastor where Nathaniel Jouett attended church, I thought I knew this young man whom police say is responsible for the violence. Well, as well as anyone can know an individual for four months.

Like the rest of our congregation, we knew he had a troubled childhood. We knew he had dabbled in alcohol and drugs. We knew he had contemplated suicide.

We knew he came to us a broken individual who was seeking help, and we thought we were giving him help.

Nathan attended church services whenever the doors were open. He asked questions, he participated in youth group, in Celebrate Recovery at The Landing.

He seemed open and honest about his pain, and we prayed with him, we counseled him, we loved him. We called Nathan one of ours.

Our world has been rocked. We are without words or explanations to ourselves, so how can we answer our communities’ questions as to the why?

We didn’t see the pain inside of Nathan. He kept that well hidden from his parents, his girlfriend, his pastor and his church.

We are trying as best we can to pick up the pieces of our hearts.

Our community has offered its prayers, and our community has spewn out hatred toward us.

And we find ourselves asking why.

We know this was a dreadful thing. We know people died and some are seriously injured. We know a killer must be held accountable for his actions.

Nathan’s 16-year-old girlfriend is devastated, and adults have made awful statements about her, and they don’t even know her.

His family is beside themselves grieving for the loss of their son, physically and emotionally, and have had to deal with statements about their parenting from people that don’t even know them.

Nathan’s pastor has had his character maligned along with his preaching and his love for God, by both Christians and non-Christians; by people who have never met him or attended one of our many services.

We have also seen our community come together united to help one another heal. Amidst all the turmoil and panic, we have asked one another, “How are you doing?” and meant those words.

We have joined hands in candlelight services praying for all that were involved in the events on Monday afternoon.

We have held each other, and cried with each other, and vowed to show the world what the people of Clovis are made of.

We are ordinary people who are faced with an incomprehensible situation. We are determined to heal our hurts, with the help of God, and the help of each other.

We are Clovis Strong.

Bonetta Hutson is an associate pastor at the Living Word Church of God, and facilitator of Celebrate Recovery.