I'm sorry... but there was a war?

Twas a great day in the kingdom of heaven. To people living on earth, it was December of the year 2017 AD, but there were no calendars in the Kingdom of God.

But even without time, there’s still a such thing as a day of work. It was a particularly odd day for Peter the Gatekeeper when a, let’s say, recent departure from Earth came to his desk.

“Good day, and welcome to the gates of Heaven. I’m Peter the Gatekeeper. What is your name and faith?”

“Hello, Peter,” the man said. “I’m John Williams, and I am a Christian.”

“Greetings, follower of Christ,” Peter said with a smile. “I’m not finding your name in the book. Please tell me what you did in your life to spread the message of Jesus Christ.”

“Well,” John said with a nod, “I did fight in the war on Christmas.”

“I’m sorry,” Peter responded, “but there was a war?”

“Oh, yes,” John said, pride swelling. “I started the fight in 2015 when Starbucks printed a plain red cup during the Christmas season. I told the barista my name was Mary Christmas so she had to say it out loud.”

“So because you were mad at a businessman,” a very puzzled Peter asked, “you chose not to punish the businessman by taking your money elsewhere? And while purchasing the product, you lied in order to make an example out of the rank-and-file employee?”

John shrugged his shoulders. “I guess,” he said, “you had to be there.

“But I let my pocketbook speak, as well. This October, I was instructed by our country’s leader that we were going to live in a country that said, ‘Merry Christmas’ again.

“I took it to heart. I was at this one store and I overheard the clerk tell somebody, ‘Happy Holidays.’ I didn’t stand for it. I walked away from a shopping cart full of stuff and went home. I even left a 55-inch TV in the cart. I was in a shoving match with a stranger over it earlier, but $200 was an awesome price and I was tired of having to squint at that 32-inch screen in my bedroom.”

“So,” Peter said, “you gave up getting a bargain on possessions ... to celebrate an observed birthday of Jesus? Well, since we’re on the subject of possessions, did you buy any more possessions during your merry Christmas?”

John nodded, unsure of Peter’s direction.

“And when you got these possessions,” Peter said, “did you sell all of them and give all of the proceeds to the poor?”

Now John was puzzled. “No, why should I help them?”

Peter glanced at his book, and said, “Ah, just found your file. Our system is having some, um, processing delays. Our staff will show you to the lounge while we clear this up. Feel free to study the Bible while you’re in there. Let me know if you find something about a coffee cup.”

A few minutes later, another man came in.

“Good day, and welcome to the gates of Heaven. I’m Peter the Gatekeeper. What is your name and faith?”

“Herschel Williamson, Jewish.”

“There you are, Mr. Williamson,” Peter said while scanning the file. “Congratulations on living a faithful life. Please head to Room J1 and be quiet when you walk by the lounge. The people in there don’t think anybody else is getting in today.”

Kevin Wilson is managing editor of The Eastern New Mexico News. Contact him at: [email protected]