Devil makes another appearance

I have been good for several weeks, but the devil in me is back.

Here are the front and inside of my 2018 original Valentine’s Day cards.

• “I believe in Destiny — You met her at the mall last week.”

• “You looked so beautiful at our wedding — Sorry I couldn’t make it.”

• “You have a great personality — And six frightening ones.”

• “You are like the sun — Always burning me.”

• “I love the sound of your name — In divorce court.”

• “I know you love the Cowboys — But didn’t know they wore boots.”

• “You are beautiful on the inside — So let’s not go outside today.”

• “They say three is a crowd — So you probably should leave.”

• “I know you like men with long hair — Here are selfies of my armpits.”

• “I forgive you — What was your name again?”

• “I wrote a song for you — It rhymes ‘hitch’ a lot.”

• “Let me count the ways I love you — (blank).

• “How do I love thee? — Too many $$$ ways so far.”

• “I pray you will send me a card back — Preferably, my VISA.”

• “You have a great memory — No other woman could memorize my PIN from the passenger seat.”

• “Roses are red, violets are blue — But not as violent as you.”

• “Would love to accept your invitation — But I have a previous engagement, which I plan on making as soon as possible.”

• “It’s him or me — Or both (I’m not picky).”

• “I’d love to date you — Please come to my archaeology lab.”

• “I didn’t mean to cheat — You should have told me you have a twin.”

• “You are like a song — ‘Dark Side of the Moon.’”

• “Nothing will ever come between us — Until the wall is built.”

• “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere — Quitting time for us.”

• “You stole my heart — And my iPhone. Please return the phone.”

• “I don’t deserve you — But I didn’t deserve that rash either.”

• “Let’s be friends with benefits — Early-bird specials, hearing-aid discounts, free bus rides to casinos...”

• “You can keep the ring — If you delete my browser history.”

• “You made me believe in eternity — Everyday feels like hell.”

• “I have learned so much from you — Like how to spell ‘sociopath,’ ‘psychopath’ and ‘narcissist.’”

• “I miss my love — Hope you can meet her sometime.”

• “You have inspired me to attend church — Because I know it’s the last place you will look for me.”

• “I’ve never met your tropical-island friend — But tell me more about her.”

• “I’d swim the deepest ocean for you — See you Saturday night if it’s not raining.”

• “Let’s not rush into anything — Unless it doesn’t require a commitment.”

• “I support equal rights — You pick up the check and I’ll leave the tip.”

• “You are a force of nature — I’m surprised they haven’t named a hurricane after you.”

• “I apologize from the bottom of my heart — For over-rating you.”

• “On bended knee I’m popping the question that terrifies guys — What’s your sister’s phone number?”

• “You have inspired me — To enter the priesthood.”

• “I heard you went to confession — And the priest wanted to know more about that ‘Wendel’ guy.”

Order my cards at http://www.sarcastic-sloan-sentiments.com.

Contact Wendel Sloan at: [email protected]