Pretty hard to put a price tag on a mother

“I humbly appraise my mother’s worth,

“It began with pain to give me birth,

“Which triggered off a love so strong,

“Blossoming into a life-long bond.

“When needed, she was always there,

“Someone I realized would always care.

“And the older I got the more I knew,

“A mother’s love sincere and true.

“Now as I watch my mother age in years,

“I’m happy to help and ease her fears.

“Privileged now to play my part,

“As she did for me from the very start.”

That’s from the poem “What is a Mother Worth?,” written anonymously.

It’s pretty hard to put a price tag on a mom, but columnists and reporters over the years have tried it and I think it’s high time I add my math to the equation as well.

To start with, she’s a childcare worker — a job that is in great demand these days with unemployment at record lows and moms everywhere joining the paying workforce.

Those that stay on the job as full-time mom are worth more than ever.

Follow my ciphers here.

The average toddler is awake for about 15 hours a day. When you multiple that by seven days a week (no weekends for mom) you get 105 hours. That is 40 hours straight time and 65 hours of overtime.

New Mexico is now headed toward $12 an hour for its minimum wage so let’s just pay mom that amount for childcare. If she worked 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. with weekends and an hour for lunch she would make $480 a week before taxes.

Our mom actually racks up $1,170 in overtime for weekly earnings of $1,650.

When we multiply that figure by 52 weeks that works out to a cool $85,800 a year.

If only our mom stopped her earnings there the family H.R. director wouldn’t be so concerned. Our mom is a regular Harriet Nelson and prepares two hot meals a day. If Ozzie had to take the family out, the bill would come to an average of $12 per person today since we’re not eating fast food. That’s another $168 a week or $8,736.

We could deduct 50 percent for food cost but then we would have to add in professional shopper pay. So let’s just stick with $12 per meal.

That brings mom’s annual salary to $94,536.

She helps with homework and what is now called Pre-K education so we need to figure that amount into the mix. Base rate for New Mexico teachers is, I believe, going to $37,500. That’s $18 an hour and we’re going to assume an average of at least five hours a week or $4,680 a year.

Mom is also a chauffeur for at least an hour a day six days a week. Truck drivers make a range of $18-40 an hour, so let’s just go with $20 times six days or $120 a week, $6,240 a year. That brings us to a total of $105,456 per year.

My mom was always pretty good at doctoring my boo boos, how about yours? That’s right, we need to pay her for medical care. Most doctor visits cost about $175 or so and you don’t even actually get an hour of the doctor’s time and he darn sure doesn’t bring you tomato soup, grilled cheese sandwiches and 7UP for hours while you’re sick.

Let’s double that fee and then multiply it by 12 to allow for one Dr. Mom interaction per month.

That is $4,200 a year, bringing our mom’s annual salary to $109,656. Not bad but I don’t want the job.

So let’s settle up with her just for Mother’s Day alone and figure out what you need to pay her. I get $52.72 per hour. For an eight-hour day that comes to $421.76. Deduct the $12 if you take her out to eat and you need to write her a check for $409.76.

Karl Terry writes for Clovis Media Inc. Contact him at:

[email protected]