Hard to say goodbye to my special lady

The last few weeks have been a long, sorrowful journey. Two weeks ago, I watched the love of my life take her last breaths here on Earth.

I’ve watched her health falter for the last 20 years. At times she would rebound, but it always seemed like the next setback for her was never far away. Since the first of the year a new problem among all of the others she had presented itself with a fury. Alzheimer’s attacked my sweetheart’s memory.

The last few weeks of her life I had to seek more help and take her away from the place she always wanted to be — in our home with me. The downward spiral accelerated and she didn’t stay in the nursing home but about 10 days.

After she died, the first night back home in our bed without her precious hand to hold was the worst. Holding hands as we fell asleep was our favorite part of our life. I know, we talked about it often. It always helped calm her fears and it connected me with this special lady in a way that is hard to explain.

I didn’t sleep well that night. Let’s just say I gave up on that king size bed that was always such a refuge a good while before dawn. I went to my chair in the living room and sat in the dark. I glanced out the window and up through the tree was a perfect bright half moon. I sat there and bawled my eyes red as that moon disappeared from the window.

It hit me that my moon might never be full again here in this life. How could I fare with half of my existence now separated from me?

Two weeks in I still don’t have an answer to that question. I’m not really sleeping any better but I’m finding out ways to get by. Folks will just have to understand if I don’t fall asleep until dawn sitting up in my chair I might not be into work on time.

I hated how bad she felt the last few years especially. It seemed like the only trips we took were to doctors and no one should get on a first-name basis with the local EMS crews but we did. I was grateful beyond belief every time they showed up.

I always prayed that she would never have to face life without me because it would have been nearly impossible for her and I didn’t want to think of her in that kind of pain. Well, there’s one prayer answered.

I am certain of her salvation and prayers and friends and family have surrounded me constantly since she passed. I know it will get better. I’ve had lots of people around me this past week or so who went through the same thing with their spouses. I know those people are still alive in their hearts and I’ll eventually get to a better place. I’m going to be half a moon for a while.

Karl Terry writes for Clovis Media Inc. Contact him at:

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