I've got my share of Christmas parties coming up

Are you ready for a Christmas party or three?

I’ve got my share coming up and I’ve been to my share of office parties that were both excruciatingly dull and recklessly drunken.

I never understood why someone you least suspected would end up getting totally smashed at the company Christmas party. Lots of people turned out each year just to see who it would be and how bad it would go.

I suppose the Christmas parties I’ve organized over the years have always been a bit too corporate in nature. Don’t provide the alcohol and tell everyone repeatedly to take it easy. Even then I ended up chauffeuring someone home or delegating the job to someone who could be a trusted designated driver. I’ve had several bosses that weren’t that careful and I ended up getting them home.

These days the best part of a Christmas party is the queso dip and the guacamole. Sweets run a close second.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been to one with a White Elephant gift exchange or Dirty Santa gift swap. I always told people I hated them when they brought the idea up, but I’ve always been a pretty competitive gift-giver, especially if it was a prank gift.

I remember one year at an office party things getting pretty heated in a Dirty Santa game as several of us competed to take home an awesome birdhouse in the shape of a chapel. I was not successful.

I had another officemate who insisted we draw names. I relented as long as I didn’t have to organize it. She would pass out pieces of paper where you would put your name on it and answer questions about what you liked and didn’t like. I got lots of Dr Pepper and Reese’s Pieces because I only answered the questions about my favorite drink and favorite candy. Oh, and I did get a DVD of “A Christmas Story” because I answered once about my favorite Christmas movie.

I don’t really recall ever getting a formal invitation to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party but I’ve been to several where I swear I must have missed the memo. For years now my go-to Christmas outfit has been my “A Christmas Story” t-shirt of the tongue on the flagpole scene and my Aussie crusher hat with a Santa Cap stuck over the crown. Sometimes, if I was really going crazy, I had a necklace of Christmas lights I would drape around my neck.

For a more formal affair I have my Christmas necktie with a silkscreened scene of Santa Claus and several reindeer lounging in a hot tub.

So far none of these parties lined up requires a white elephant gift or necktie but I do believe one may be able to score some guacamole and chips along with a piece of fudge. Even the threat of someone bringing a guitar doesn’t scare me. I can jingle bell with the best of them. I promise you won’t have to drive me home.

Karl Terry writes for Clovis Media Inc. Contact him at:

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