Annoying as they are, drug tests can have upsides

I don’t like taking drug tests, but not for the reason you may think I don’t like taking drug tests.

I don’t like taking drug tests because the whole shebang takes up precious time.

It’s a drive over to the drug testing place, most likely sit in a waiting room waiting your turn, do the drug testing “thingy,” and then mosey on.

The first drug test I ever had was for a construction job in Albuquerque years ago.

I already had the job, I just had to report for a test.

After a few days passed I wondered what became of my drug test.

Were they going to tell me I did great or there was some issue?

So one day at the shift briefing the foreman, as always, asked if we had any questions.

I raised my hand.

“Did I pass my drug test?” I asked.

There was a bit of hubbub in the room.

“Why, McGee, do you take drugs?” one of the guys said.

“No, I just hadn’t heard anything and I’ve seen news stories where people got positive results by mistake,” I said.

“That’s just stuff the liberal media makes up. Drug tests don’t go wrong,” another guy pontificated.

There was a bit more hubbub.

“Hang on, quiet down. McGee if your drug test came out positive we’d quietly pull you aside, tell you and send you on home,” the foreman said.

One time I did get quietly pulled aside and sent on home, but not for the reason you might think.

And maybe it was a good thing.

It was when I went to truck driving school in Arkansas.

I was taking classes in Little Rock when we were marched off for drug tests.

Sometime later, one of the truck driving school chiefs started coming to the class door, beckoning to some folks with his finger. They’d leave and not come back.

“Failed their drug test,” a guy nearby knowingly said.

Next thing I knew the beckoning man was at the door beckoning me.

We walked down the hall to his office.

“We found blood in your drug test. That’s a health problem. You need to go home, see your doctor, have him diagnose the problem, have him write us a note and you can come back,” he said.

“I don’t have a doctor at home. Can’t I see someone here in Little Rock?” I asked.

“No sir, here’s your bus ticket. Get yourself fixed, come on back,” he said.

Well, at least I got a free ride back to Arizona.

Back in the Grand Canyon State I saw a doctor. He laughed at my situation.

“That’s a pretty picky company. I believe many people have a bit of blood in their urine,” he said.

He believed I had a mild infection of some sort.

I got a prescription for some pills and a note to take back to the trucking school people.

I got another free bus ticket back to Little Rock and soon I was back in class.

“We thought you got kicked out for drugs,” a straggler from my previous class told me.

“And, pray tell, what drugs did people say I indulged in?” I asked.

“Marijuana. You’re too weird for anything else,” he said.

I just stared at him and started laughing.

Oh well, I may not like how much time drug tests use up, but I reckon they have their good sides.

Grant McGee writes for The Eastern New Mexico News. Contact him:

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